It was suggested to me by more than one person this week that I should really get my ass back to writing. Anything. Even this piss-wankle.
Well… maybe not that.
I’ve been at my new job since the first week of this year and it’s going well. There were questions on how I would do. By me, I was questioning it. Since they hired me I guess they had some degree of confidence in me that I lack.
It’s not a new skillset entirely. It’s customer service, which is something I have a long time background in. I’d even argue my I.T. career has been based around my customer service skills more than anything. And this job is also based around my tech skills. I do support (mostly over the phone) for people about their Fiber Internet. It’s both very new and more of the same. But I like it. More than anything I like the team I’m a part of. And the office is nice and comfortable, the customers are usually kind and grateful for the help. The pay is good, and I tend to get several hours of overtime each week, mostly because I work through my lunch (which no one has told me not to do yet, so I’ll keep at it until I hear otherwise). Insurance just kicked in and I am now in more of a desperate need to see a doctor because my heart thing is getting more prevalent. I’ve also developed “Tennis Elbow” (self-diagnosed) so my right arm is in near constant pain, moving it or not, and that’s made working at a computer typing most of the day all the more enjoyable. But Covid’s gonna Covid, and even though I’ve gotten my two shots as of last month, I’m sure there’s probably still a bit of a waiting period for things, so I’m just being extra lazy and immobile, which I’m sure is incredibly healthy.
Erin’s about to leave her Home Depot job, which she really loves but does take a physical toll on her, to work at the local coffee cafe. I don’t know if that will be less physically demanding or not, but she loves the place (I do too) and it seems to be where her heart is right now. Her art has continued to do amazing things, and I’m tying to help guide her on getting a web site up (finally) so she can “next level” that shit. She’s still chasing new ideas and creative outlets all the time though, so I don’t know what a site can do to keep up with her really, but at least a landing spot means she has a place for whatever she does next.
But this is journal stuff, and it’s about as creative as talking about the weather. Which, at my age, I’m just as prone to do. Especially as it gets nicer. I’m hoping that “the light at the end of this winter” is coming and is going to perk up my brain a bit. I honestly usually like the cold months, but this has been such an especially trying year that I think there’s a therapeutic aspect to a Spring bloom while the world is maybe finally moving passed some of the Hell it’s been in. And I’ve had it better than most people, but I’m not going to pretend I haven’t been affected by all of it too. In the spirit of being honest with myself (the one person who sees these posts), I can admit that I’m just as prone to falling apart as anyone else. I just tend to shrug things off better than some. But it’s still been hard.
I’m also looking at my frame of mind and trying to be aware that maybe I go through phases of losing track of wanting to be creative based on time of year, or weather patterns, or external things like job stuff, being less-than-optimially-healthy, and so on. So while I feel “blank” right now, emotionally I know I’m in a rut… I’m honestly trying to reassure myself that this will pass. Inevitably I’ll wind up with some idea that draws me in again at some point. It’ll be up to me to run with it, or let it fester in my grey matter for the next ten to twenty years like I usually do. So people kicking me in the rear about writing down my thoughts are really doing me the biggest favor. It’s been a month I think since I’ve come upstairs for more than a couple of minutes. Three months since I spent any time even feigning interest in writing up here.
Is it a dip or a cliff? You only know when you actually try to climb back out.
